My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
