FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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