im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
