Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
