I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My cat gives me a boner
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
