she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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