we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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