she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
