Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
