I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
