I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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