Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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