I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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