Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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