She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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