I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
