Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
