i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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