He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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