Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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