Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
