Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
