She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
