I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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