It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
