tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
