we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
