have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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