As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
