after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
