Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
