Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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