She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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