Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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