i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
