I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
