my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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