Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
