My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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