More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
nutella sex= disaster
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
