i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
