whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
