I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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