I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
