cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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