So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
