Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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