I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
