I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
