She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
