Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
