Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
40s are totally the cure
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
