so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
