Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
