he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
