The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
