Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
