we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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