He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
