My balls are so social today.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
