just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
