You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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