I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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