Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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