So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im part way to drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
