Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
