i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
