I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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