handjob tips. give me some.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
