so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
