i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
