I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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